Can't cry hard enough
by decayedFairytale20
Summary: slash pairing: danny/dougie & standalone // Danny's walking by the sea shore until he saw his best friend, Dougie, crying... he's so curious to know coz he knows Dougie as someone who is so optimist... and then...


_**Can't cry hard enough **_**(s/a & slash)**

**Np: Can't cry hard enough – Bellefire**

**I am walking on the sea shore, enjoying the ocean breeze, when I see Dougie, sitting on the sand, alone. I run towards him and everything seems to be bad. Dougie's not only sitting alone on the sand, he's crying—which is weird since we know Dougie as the kind of guy who is so optimist.**

"**Hey Doug, what's up?" I ask him while sitting down beside him. He hides his face and secretly wipes his tears before facing and answering, "Nothing."**

"**Nothing? You're crying because there's nothing up?" I pause for a while because that sounds sarcastic. Well I guess Dougie didn't mind so I just continue talking, "Seriously, Dougie, why are you crying? You're not going to cry just for nothing—!"**

"**Are you worried? I mean, are you **_**sincerely**_** worried for me?" Dougie suddenly asked me with a cracking voice. I'm surprised he just asked me that. I open my mouth for a second and close it again, open and close again; I did it for like ten times before I finally thought of the right thing to reply, "Of course, I am. I mean, my goodness, Dougie! I **_**am **_**your best friend! Why am I not going to worry? What kind of question is that?"**

**Dougie slowly faces downwards and starts crying again. "Hey Doug," I told him while rubbing my hand on his back, "I'm sorry if my words are kinda harsh. I just want to—I just really want to help you."**

"**I'm so weak, Danny. I'm so weak!" Dougie shouted, still facing downward and crying. "I—I am crying… I am crying because of… because I'm jealous! I'm so jealous to someone, Danny, and I hate the fact that I'm crying because of it… I'm so weak—"**

"**You're jealous?" For years, Dougie never mention anything about his love life to us. So it's really surprising to hear something like that from him. Though there's a little astonishment in my heart because he's really crying for the girl he loves, I feel so pity for Dougie. I don't want to tell him that because I know it can insult the guy but, Dougie's so young to be hurt, for Pete's sake! "Dougie—"**

"**Since we met Olivia, everything seems to be so bad, Danny" Olivia, my girl. I introduced her to them several days ago. I know I meet Olivia first before them—oh no, this is not good. "Olivia?" I ask him. I want to clarify things up. I'm not sure if what I'm thinking is right, that Dougie likes Olivia. "Yes Danny, OLIVIA!" The way he said that scares me. He's annoyed. He's crying, he's hurt, and now he's annoyed. Poor Dougie "I'm… I'm sorry Dougie… I didn't mean to…" And he continues crying his heart out. **

**His rumblings while crying hurt me; for what reason? I can't figure out why. There must be wrong. I feel there is. He's not going to continue crying if there's nothing wrong. "Look Dougie, if this satisfies you, I will break up with Olivia—"**

"**What?! No, don't do that! You guys love each other!"**

"**But our relationship hurts you badly, Doug. And I can't take that. I don't want to see you crying like that just because of jealousy… jealousy over me…" Dougie stops crying and looks at me doubtfully. I can read on his lips that he's going to cry again, but sadder than what I just saw. And right before he cries again, "you don't understand!"**

"**I—I don't understand? Dougie, I clearly understand why you're crying! You're crying because you like Olivia and you're jealous to me—"**

"—**oh goodness! Danny, I don't like Olivia, I'M JEALOUS TO HER! Since you met her, you don't have enough time to hang out with me! You don't give the attention you always give to me because you're busy being with her! YOU DON'T EVEN CALL ME BEFORE I SLEEP JUST LIKE WHAT YOU DID BEFORE YOU MET OLIVIA BECAUSE SHE'S BUSY CATCHING YOUR ATTENTION!"**

"**You're not… you're not jealous to me… you're jealous to Olivia… because you… you like me…?"**

"**At last, Danny! Finally! Yes I am… I LIKE YOU… I… (Pause) I like… you…" And he continues crying. I didn't notice that I'm already crying, too. The tears just went out of my eyes continuously and… I don't know… Is this really the feeling after you found out that your best friend, who's a guy, likes you? You'll feel heavy. You'll feel lonely. You'll feel… what your best friend feels… "I like you, Danny. But I know you will not… like me back because… because you have Olivia… and… you're straight… I'm… so… weak… I'm… a loser…" I can't respond. It's still taking me a while to talk. For years, the reason why we don't hear something about Dougie's love life is me! He doesn't suit any girls because he likes… me… and he's contented with it… until he can't take the pain anymore and tell me the secret he'd been keeping for years.**

"**Danny… please… say something… I know I must not… tell you about this… but… I can't… keep the pain… anymore… PLEASE DANNY! Speak up!"**

"**Do you really like me, Doug?**** I mean, seriously, I… I still can't believe it… I—" I look at him. He's waiting for my words carefully. Maybe because he's afraid to lose me… he's afraid that I'll hate him… he's afraid that I'll not show up to him… "—Dougie…" I said his name, nearly a whisper. It just came out of my mouth. It's weird… but what I did next is weirder… I hold his chin and move my face closer to his… and… I kiss him… I do. It's just a simple kiss; you know, our lips touching each other. But it's different. It's Dougie. I'm kissing Dougie, my best friend, the guy who secretly likes me. And **_**I am**_** the one who takes the action first, even though I don't like him… or I… I just don't realize it… because of Olivia… Realize that… I like him… too…**

**Dougie breaks the kiss, and pants. "No, Danny… forget about it… forget the fact… that I… like you… forget about it!" Dougie stands up but just before he starts running away from me, everything happens quickly. I grab his arm, stand up, and put him into a hug. I can feel that my chest is getting wet: Dougie's crying again, but this time, in a more silent way, a sob I should say. I can hear him rumbling to me the words **_**forget, forget, **_**and **_**forget**_**. I know it's the most appropriate thing to do: to forget, since I already have Olivia, and Dougie said so. But… I can't just forget this chance… Chance to fully realize the truth about my feelings… feelings towards Dougie…**

**Dougie pushes me while saying, "Danny, please… don't show me that you feel the same way too coz I know you don't! And, my goodness, you already have a girlfriend! You can't cheat on her just because you found out your best friend for many years like you—or worst, LOVE YOU!" I want to response, but I feel that Dougie's not in the state of listening to what I will reply to him. Dougie is going to run again away from me, but this time I didn't stop him. He needs time. I hurt him so much, without knowing I do so. I can't help but blame myself about this. Dougie's my best friend, as well as Tom and Harry. I can't live without them for this long, especially Dougie… Why it takes long for me to realize this feeling?! Why it takes long for me to realize I already hurt someone, and that someone is my best friend?! Why it takes me this long to realize my feelings towards Dougie?! MY TRUE FEELINGS FOR HIM?! That I… that I don't like him just as a friend… but… more than that…**

…_**I can't cry hard enough for you to hear me now…**_


End file.
